In early 1970s England, a Pakistani father finds the authority he has previously maintained challenged by his increasingly Anglicized children.

Ella Khan: [to Mrs. Shah] Piss of out of my house, and take Laurel and Hardy with you.
Meenah Khan: [Heard by Mrs Shah from outside, referring to the Shahs' daughters] Have you seen the state of them two? The one with the teeth's got a mustache like Dad.
Maneer Khan: Tariq's looks like Quasimodo.
Ella Khan: Kids eh. Were your two like that, Mrs. Shah?
Mrs. Shah: [Sternly] No. I believe in strict discipline. Especially in a NON-Pakistani environment.
Ella Khan: Do you think I'm a good mother?
Auntie Annie: No, I think you're a friggin' awful mother.
[Ella throws the Shahs out of the house]
George Khan: You bastard bitch. You bring shame on the family
Ella Khan: No, you should be ashamed, George. Because you're not interested in these kids being happy. You just want to prove to everybody what a great man you are. Because you're ashamed of me, George, and you're ashamed of our kids. And you won't even admit it.
Sajid Khan: Mum! Mum! The Pakis are here!
[Annie meets Tariq and Abdul's brides to be]
Auntie Annie: [sarcastic] Is it these two. They're bleedin' gorgeous. You're lucky you pair aren't ya. Landin' a couple of belters like these.
[In the hospital following Sajid's circumcision]
George Khan: Tickle-Tackle all gone?
Doctor: [Puzzled] Circumcision was absolutely fine.
George Khan: You Indian?
Ella Khan: [whispering] George.
George Khan: [to Ella] Bastard Indian.
Priest: God bless.
George Khan: And Allah be with you
Mrs. Shah: I will never allow my daughters to marry into this jungly family of half-breeds.
Ella Khan: Well they may be half-bred, but at least they're not friggin' inbred like those two monstrosities.
Earnest Moorhouse: Salam Alekom.
Mr. Shah: Eh? Bugger off, bugger off.
Mr. Moorhouse: See. You let one of 'em in, and the whole fuckin' tribe turns up.
Mrs. Shah: I believe in strict discipline. Especially in a NON-Pakistani environment.
[Moorhouse and Earnest are distributing leaflets of Enoch Powell as George passes by]
Mr. Moorhouse: 'Ere, look, see? There's one of'em now. Got his bags packed for his way home, heh.
Earnest Moorhouse: [Respectfully] Salam Alekom, Mr. Khan.
Mr. Moorhouse: [Slaps Earnest over the head] Shut up, you little bastard!
Meenah Khan: Did you get a load of those two?
[meaning the Shahs' daughters]
Meenah Khan: The one with the teeth has got a mustache like Dad's!
Maneer Khan: Tariq's looks like Quasimodo.
[Ella stops George from beating Maneer]
George Khan: I your husband. You should agreeing with me like proper Muslim wife!
Stella Moorhouse: I'll never let the colour of your Dad come between us.
Ella Khan: They filmed "The Dambusters" here.
Meenah Khan: Mam, you say that EVERYTIME we come to Bradford.
Ella Khan: Well they bloody did.
Stella Moorhouse: I'll never let the colour of your Dad come between us. It's not fair coz I love curry an' all.
Tariq Khan: Yeah. Nice one.
Sajid Khan: Get stuffed!
Mr. Shah: [to George] You're wife's a disgrace.
[Abdul and Tariq approach a local nightclub]
Bouncer: All right, Tony, how ya goin' mate?
Tariq Khan: All right, Bazza?
Bouncer: Yeah, good to see ya. All right, in ya go.
Tariq Khan: Nice, mate.
Bouncer: [to Abdul] Where do you think you're going, smiler?
Tariq Khan: This is our kid, erm...
Abdul Khan: Arthur, me name's Arthur.
Earnest Moorhouse: Salam Alekom, Mr. Khan.
George Khan: Malekom Salam.
Priest: God Bless.
George Khan: Allah go with you.
George Khan: ...when I come this country, I have no luggage. Today what I got?
Meenah Khan: You got a chip shop. dad.
George Khan: Right. Own bloody business, see.
Auntie Annie: Our Peter knows how far he can go before I knock him to Kingdom Come. And that's just my husband Mrs. Shah.
George Khan: See puttarrr... this is very special watch. It tell time in... Arabic!
Stella Moorhouse: Let's elope. That's soooo romantic.
Tariq Khan: [Watching Enoch Powell speaking on TV] We should have a whip round and get Dad repatriated.
Mark: Gunga Din! Drinking the white man's brew!
Fat Twat: What are you doing here, Abdul?
Abdul Khan: It's me stag night. I'm gettin' married.
Mark: Who to?
Abdul Khan: Dunno. Me dad hasn't bothered introducing us yet.
Auntie Annie: They'll do anything for you Mrs/ Shah. Good Samaritans they are. Just like in the Bible.
George Khan: You can't have this thing puttarrr. It no belong to you.
[Saleem accidentally drops a fake vagina on Mrs. Shah's lap]
Mrs. Shah: This is an insult to me and my family! I will never allow my daughters to marry into this jungly family of half-breeds!
Ella Khan: Well, they may be half-bred, but at least they're not friggin' inbred like them two monstrosities.
George Khan: Ella!
Ella Khan: Never mind "Ella". Who the frig do you think you are? You come in here, telling me that my house isn't good enough for your daughters? Well, your daughters aren't good enough for my sons, or my house, and if I hear another word against my family, I will stick that fanny over your bastard head!
[Mrs. Shah leaves without a word]
Mr. Shah: [to George] Your wife's a disgrace.
Ella Khan: Oh, go on, piss off! Go on, sling your bleedin' hook! Go on, piss off! Piss off out of my house! And take Laurel and Hardy with you!
[a lecherous dalmatian leaps onto Mrs. Shah]
George Khan: I won't have my son looking like bastard hippie.
Ella Khan: The children have a right to know.
George Khan: What do you mean, "right"?
Ella Khan: Sorry about him Mr. Shah. He's just been circumcised.

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