The story of an uptown rat that gets flushed down the toilet from his penthouse apartment, ending in the sewers of London, where he has to learn a whole new and different way of life.

[as Roddy is sent flying through a clothesline]
Passerby: Is it a bird?
Passerby #2: Is it a plane?
Passerby #3: Is that guy wearing my underpants?
Le Frog: You stupid English, with your Yorkshire puddings and your chips and fish!
[Spike and Whitey are falling]
Spike: Keep your legs straight when you hit the water!
[Whitey lands safely in the water, while Spike hits a cement stone]
Whitey: I kept me legs straight, Spike.
[a power cord lands on Spike]
Rita: Tell me about yourself, Roddy.
Roddy: Well, there's not much to tell.
Rita: You know everything about me, warts and all. I don't even know what you do.
Roddy: I'm... I'm in a boy band.
Rita: What?
Roddy: Yeah. Yeah, I'm the posh one.
Roddy: [hanging on to Rita's belt as it starts to break] No, no don't break! There are things I want to do, sights I want to see.
[belt breaks; Rita's pants drop]
Roddy: That wasn't on the list.
Tadpole: Is it the Glorious Amphibian Dawn, dad?
Toad: Anything for you, my little man.
Tadpole: Can I have a pony?
Toad: No.
Tadpole: A puppy?
Toad: We'll talk about it.
Tadpole: Can we talk about it now?
Toad: No!
[All the tadpoles start asking for puppies]
Toad: No, you can't all have puppies! Please, daddy's working!
Liam: He's gonna steal your boat.
Rita: He won't steal my boat.
Liam: He's stealing your boat.
Rita: He isn't stealing...
Liam: He stole your boat.
Rita: What?
Liam: He's like Robin Hood in reverse.
Roddy: Whatever's going on, I assure you, I'm not involved. I'm just an innocent bystander.
Spike: Rita, Rita, Rita.
Spike: Thought you could give us the slip?
[Slips and falls]
Spike: What are you looking at? Keep still! Come on, then! Right! Who have we got here?
Whitey: I believe he said his name was Millicent Bystander.
Roddy: And who might you be, little chap?
Shocky: They call me Shocky.
Roddy: Why do they call you that?
Shocky: [Shocks Roddy with a battery] Shocky!
Roddy: Ohh! Yes, got it.
[Talking about Spike's hands]
Spike: They're small but these are lethal weapons, these are.
Whitey: You got your mother's hands.
Le Frog: To action!
Henchfrogs: We surrender!
Le Frog: Not that action, you idiots! The kung-fu thing!
Spike: Blimy, it's cold.
Whitey: That's why I wore me mittens.
Spike: Wha... Hitmen don't wear mittens! Take them off! You're embarrasing me!
Whitey: It's all right for you. You've got little hands. They don't freeze as much.
Rita: What are you, some kind of rat boomerang? Give me back my ruby!
Roddy: I haven't got your ruby!
[the ruby falls on his hand]
Roddy: Okay. Well, now I've got your ruby.
Toad: Prepare to meet you maker. Your... "ice maker".
Whitey: Hah hah, makes me laugh every time, that one.
Le Frog: We leave immediately!
[strides off screen]
Henchfrog #1: What about supper?
Le Frog: [strides back on screen] We leave in five hours!
Toad: You find my pain amusing?
Le Frog: I find everyone's pain amusing, except my own... I'm French!
Le Frog: This bizarre obsession with rats; it is not good for you. You are becoming what we French call "le fruitcake!"
Spike: All right, all right! It's time to bring out... the Persuader!
[takes out a nutcracker]
Spike: Your choice, mate. You can talk now, or you can talk later. Ain't that right, Persuader?
Spike: [through the nutcracker, in a much higher voice] Yes, in a much higher voice.
Whitey: [after spotting the ruby in Rita'a back pocket] The booty's in the booty!
Whitey: Are you sure about this, Spike? These things are dangerous.
Spike: Danger is my middle name!
Whitey: I thougth it was Lesley.
Toad: [to Le Frog] Perhaps you forget that it was a rat who cast me from paradise.
Le Frog: [Rolling his eyes] Oh please not the scrapbook again.
Toad: [pulls a book off a shelf] My memoirs , volume one details the dire and tragic story of my youth.
Le Frog: Oh mon dieu.
Toad: Of all the pets in Buckingham palace , young prince charles fancied me the best , we would frolic day after sunny day in royal abandon sharing that sweet and magical bond between boy and toad.
Le Frog: Your going to make me throw up.
Toad: We were inseparable until... it arrived THAT RAT , while the poor boys head was turned , I was cruelly plunged into a whirlpool of despair.
Le Frog: I know I know you were flushed away down the loo right? boo hoo hoo, it is so dark, so cold, so terrible
Le Frog: .
Toad: You find my pain funny?
Le Frog: I find everyones pain funny but my own, I'm French.
Toad: [stands up and knocks over a table] Just get that cable.
Toad: You are late.
Le Frog: Fashionably late my warty English cousin. I know no other way.
Slug: High five!
[He realizes he has no hands]
Slug: Oh, yeah.
Rita's Dad: Wave. Wave!
Crowd: [shouting] England!
Rita's Dad: No! Giant wave!
[everybody turns around and screams]
[Le Frog Has brought a cable necessary for the Toad's plan]
Toad: At last, it's mine!
[the Toad laughs for half a minute and is annoying Le Frog]
Le Frog: Just take it!
Roddy: Will you please tell these people I'm not involved in this?
Rita: Fine. All right, all right, listen up. This gentleman, he's not from around here.
Roddy: Thank you.
Rita: Just look how nicely he's dressed.
Roddy: Ah, thank you.
Rita: And why? Because he's an international jewel thief!
Roddy: Precisely... What? No, no!
Liam: Oy, mom! There's a peeping Tom outside.
Rita's Grandma: Tom? Oh, it's Tom Jones!
Thimblenose Ted: Hey guys, I just had a tipoff. They're heading west, to Kensington.
Spike: Bingo!
Whitey: Scrabble!
Spike: Enough games! To the Ratmobiles!
Toad: Where are those idiots!
[talking to his tadpoles]
Toad: It's so hard to get good help these days, my boys.
[speaks baby talk]
Toad: Yes, that's right. Oh, come on out, my lovelies. Cheer your old Dad up. Poor Daddy, surrounded by filthy rats in this joy-less, sun-less void! But don't worry, Daddy will get rid of them all. They'll all be deady-weddy.
[Kisses tadpole tank. Whitey and Spike enter]
Toad: Did you find it?
[still in baby voice]
Spike: Huh?
Toad: [angered] Uh! Did you find it?
Fly: He's a mad man! Run away, run...
[the Toad swallows the fly]
Toad: Pardon me, my fly's undone.
Toad: You wretched vermin! I'll make you pay for this!
Le Frog: Ah, give it a rest, cousin... and get your kids a puppy.
Ladykiller: [to Roddy] End of the line, Millicent!
Toad: Huzzah, a man of quality!
Tex: Where's your helmets? Which one's the quarterback? Pick up the ball! Pick up the ball! Aw, these Brits don't know the first thing about football.
[Roddy is using a cell phone as a shield as Rita throws crayons at him; the crayons dial a number]
Take Out: Ha Chin Chinese takeout.
Roddy: Yes, I'm being attacked by a madwoman! She's got crayons!
Take Out: One chicken chow mein. With wonton?
Roddy: No, crayons!
Take Out: No wonton! You want rice? Fried or white?
Roddy: Fried. No, wait!
Take Out: You want wonton or what?
Roddy: Cancel that order.
Roddy: [Showing Sid the toilet] After a hard day navigating the sewer pipes, there's nothing better than relaxing in a Jacuzzi whirlpool bath.
Spike: Bingo!
Whitey: Scrabble! Heh.
Rita: This is quite tasty.
Roddy: Thanks. I don't think it's too bad, considering I only had an apple, four raisins and a box of rice.
Rita: Rice?
Slug: [singing] What's that urge from deep inside? / The need to hurl won't be denied / That isn't rice, that's maggots you're eating.
Maggots: Larva, larva, larva...
Roddy: Well. That explains why it all ran to one side when I put salt in it.
Roddy: [singing] Ice cold Rita / Never did I meet a / Girl who's half so cruel / I offered her a jewel / But she left me stuck / Stranded on a duck / What a shoddy thing to do to Roddy... Me! / That's Roddy St. James of Kensington.
Slug: Poor, poor Roddy / Flushed down his own potty / Rita, can't you find it in your heart... to help him?
Roddy: How mean can one rat be? / Ice cold Rita / Won't you be sweeter to me?
Roddy: When the cat's away, the mice will play!
Rita: Real!
Roddy: Fake.
Rita: Real!
Roddy: Fake.
Rita: [sighs] Real.
Roddy: Fake.
Rita: REAL!
Whitey: So you're from up top, eh? I used to work in a laboratory up top. Yeah, big shampoo job. I was dark grey when we started. Still, it cleared up me dandruff.
Pegleg: So you're from up top, huh?
Roddy: Yes.
Pegleg: I know someone who might be able to help you, might. The captain of the Jammy Dodger.
Goldfish: I know where it is!
Sid: Careful, mate. Those aren't chocolate buttons.
Shocky: They call me shocky.
Roddy: Now why do they call you that?
Whitey: It's just that curry you had last night, Spike. I'm the same, I've got a bum like the Japanese flag.
Goldfish: [Roddy picks up fish] Have you seen my dad?
Rita: It's impossible!
Roddy: /ENGLAND/ is winning! ANYTHING'S possible!
Spike: Ohhh, Whitey!
Whitey: I saw an opportunity, and I took it.
[last lines]
Tabitha: Roddy! I brought you a new friend!
[she holds up a cat]
Sid: Aah!
Whitey: Oh, I love a happy ending.
Spike: Oh, you've gone soft. I like unhappy endings, with lots of violence.
[the champagne bottle used to christen the Jammy Dodger II swings over and hits Spike; the cork pops and the bottle goes flying, taking Spike with it; offscreen crash]
Spike: Any last requests?
Roddy: Yes. Could you fly, quite suddenly, off the boat, screaming like a girl?
Spike: What?
[Is jerked off the boat by a cord]
Le Frog: [after Rita hit him] You will pay for this, my little chocolate croissant.
Sid: You were going to flush me down the loo!
Roddy: No, no, no! It's a big jacuzzi, the deluxe model!
Sid: Well then, you won't mind if I get the bubbles going, will ya?
Roddy: No, not the lever! Have mercy! No! No! I can't swim!
Sid: Bon voyage, me old cream cracker. Hold your nose.
Roddy: No, no, no! You can't do this!
Sid: You were going to try and flush me? Let's see how you like it!
Rita's Dad: We don't need the money!
Cockroach: A new stove would be nice...
Roddy: Roddy St. James saves the day.
[first lines]
Mother: Car's here.
Father: It's nine o' clock already, we're going to miss our flight.
Whitey: [Repeated line] Keep your legs straight!
Action Figure: Give up your weapons of mass destruction! Come and get me, enemy of freedom!
Roddy: [Roddy and Rita are running from the thugs] Rita could we please go a little faster.
Rita: We don't have too.
Rita: [hits a button] Go go purple custard.
Rita's Grandma: I'm coming, Tom!
Sid: [to Roddy] I'll be seeing you my friend.
Slug: [singing] Lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely, I have nobody for my own!
[Roddy closes the window on the Slugs]
Whitey: Are you - are you happy now, Spike?
[repeated line]
Toad: Good bye, vermin.
Le Frog: We leave immediately!
Henchfrog: What about dinner?
Le Frog: We leave... in five hours.
Rita: We Malones never go back on our word.
Roddy: Maybe I can make it up to you?
Rita: Get stuffed.
Le Frog: He's cuckoo, but family!
Sid: [Flushing Roddy down the drain] You think I don't know a toilet when I see one?
Toad: You find my pain funny?
Le Frog: I find everyone's pain funny but my own. I'm French.

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