During World War II, several oddly assorted military experts are teamed in a mission to raid and destroy a bridge vital to enemy strategy.

Miller: Don't worry, old chap. Been handling this stuff ever since I blew up the nursery with my first chemistry set. Poor old Nanny.
Weaver: [handed a pile of what looks suspiciously like dog poo] Now what the hell am I supposed to do with this?
Miller: Oh, I don't know. Try and imagine you're a dog. Oh for heaven's sake! On the road, man, on the road!
Weaver: [grumbling to himself] I thought you were supposed to pick up dog shit, not spread it around.
Mallory: [thoughtfully] Miller, what would happen to the bridge if that central arch were suddenly hit by several million tons of water?
Miller, Barnsby: Water?
Mallory: I think we've been talking about the wrong target. Remember that dam we passed by on the way up here?
Miller: [suddenly all ears] Dam? What sort of dam?
Barnsby: It's just up the road, about half a mile that way.
Miller: Well, my dear chap, why didn't you say so before? Oh, I could do a tremendous job on the dam! See, with the dam, you've got your natural elements working for you. It's like having an enormous bath - what have you got to do? Pull the plug!
Barnsby: Now, look. Our experts have been studying that bridge for weeks, and they say it'll blow. I don't know where you learned your job, but I'm talking about the best construction engineers in the business!
Miller: Yes. Well, they're probably experts at building things, whereas I'm an expert at blowing them up, and you can take it from me that one would need a good eight hours to make a decent job on that bridge.
Miller: Well we can't just stand here like 'ducks in thunder'!
Mallory: Next time, you can play the corpse. You seem pretty handy with that thing, though.
Barnsby: Could've been luck.
Weaver: [unwinding string of explosives] Shit, what's this? Another one of his toys?
[sees rubber snake]
Weaver: Damn, ain't that something? Dog turds, snakes...
[laughs]
Maj. Schroeder: Ah, tell me what has all this to do with that, uh, suitcase case you keep looking at?
Mallory: Well, that suitcase is full of our penicillin.
Maj. Schroeder: Oh, indeed. Perhaps I could see some it?
Mallory: Certainly, Major. Open it Miller.
Miller: You can't do that here, sir. You'll ruin the lot. You know perfectly well that any contamination will destroy it. It's got to be opened under laboratory conditions.
Barnsby: Sorry about Marko.
Lescovar: Thank you. It's a risk we all take. He was a brave man and a good friend. Then he got careless.
Mallory: You think that big sergeant spotted him as a partisan?
Barnsby: I can't buy that. The sergeant wasn't that bright.
[to Lescovar]
Barnsby: He saluted you - you're wearing a corporal's uniform. That doesn't rate a salute in the German army.
Mallory: Not in anybody's army. Why do you think he saluted you, Lescovar?
Lescovar: Perhaps he recognized my natural superiority.
Mallory: Yes, perhaps.
[last lines]
Barnsby: What happened to you?
Weaver: He bit me in all the excitement. But damn it to hell, we did it, Colonel! We did it!
Barnsby: Yes we did, Sergeant! Yes we did!
Miller: And a merry Christmas!
Mallory: Yes, gentlemen, we did it!
[chuckling]
Mallory: But before we can start awarding ourselves Victoria Crosses and Congressional Medals of Honor and so on and so forth and such like... I think I'd better point out that one, we're now on the wrong side of the river. That two, we have no hope whatsoever of rejoining the partisans. That three, this neck of the woods will soon be crawling with very bad-tempered Germans. And that four, I don't think our little genius Sergeant Miller there has even got a box of matches left in his suitcase. And so I think we can take it, gentlemen, that we're going to have a very long walk home.
Mallory: [after being caught, Mallory attempts to get free by making a story] You ever hear of penicillin?
Maj. Schroeder: No.
Mallory: No, well, I'm not surprised. It's a new developement It's a drug that prevents wounds from becoming infected.
Mallory: [after an unexpected delay in Miller's explosives]
[notices the dam hasn't collapsed yet]
Mallory: Miller! That useless git!
Barnsby: [shocked] It didnt...
Mallory: What?
Barnsby: [yelling] It didn't work!
Mallory: Yes I know it didn't work!
Barnsby: Well let's get out of here!
Mallory: Yeah let's get out of here, when I see Miller I'm going to ring his useless neck!
Barnsby: I did your job. Now help me do mine.
Drazak: Partisan BITCH! Always so kind to the men with burns... But they HAVE no burns!
Mallory: [inside the Partisans' cave Mallory wants to talk to Petrovitch alone to tell him he needs to kill Nikolai] May I talk to you personally, sir?
Maj. Petrovitch: You are talking to me personally.
Mallory: No I mean alone.
Maj. Petrovitch: No. The People's army does not conduct military business in secret.
Mallory: I don't suppose they taught you German at that awful school of yours?
Miller: What, instead of Latin? Heaven forbid, old boy.
Mallory: You're Nikolai... You're the man who blew us in Greece.

If you find QuotesGram website useful to you, please donate $10 to support the ongoing development work.