A former First Lady of the US wants a particular Secret Service agent to head her bodyguard detail, even though he can't stand her.

Store Manager: [to Doug] Does she want to be known today?
[Doug shakes his head]
Store Manager: [to customers and cashiers] Don't know her! Don't know her! Don't know her!
Tess Carlisle: I have some exciting news for you. I have an inoperable brain tumor.
[pause]
Tess Carlisle: I have bought you and your men a scud missile launcher.
[pause]
Tess Carlisle: We are going to the opera in Columbus. Which of those do you think is true?
Doug Chesnic: When?
Tess Carlisle: It's got no price at all.
Bob Hutcherson: Yes ma'am. Uh, Doug, this is Bobby in canned goods, are you anywhere near the manager? I need a price check on Lesieur baby peas, repeat, Lesieur baby peas.
Doug Chesnic: Lesieur baby peas.
Store Manager: They're on special today, two for .59.
Doug Chesnic: They're on special today, two for .59.
Bob Hutcherson: Uh, copy that, it's two for .59.
Tess Carlisle: But I only want one.
Bob Hutcherson: Uh, roger that, Doug, but she only wants one.
Doug Chesnic: How much for just one?
Store Manager: The same. It's a two for one thing.
Doug Chesnic: Uh, Bobby, it's a two for one thing so I suggest you go ahead and get both.
Bob Hutcherson: Uh, copy that Doug but I believe we've lost in interest in peas, repeat, lost interest in peas. Canned goods out.
Doug Chesnic: Don't you see? If he is involved, then her life is worthless, you understand? They had to fucking kill her!
Doug Chesnic: [Calming the hospital employee who insisted it's hospital policy that patients leave by wheelchair] The regulations aren't really that sacred, are they?
Doug Chesnic: And Tess... Get in the god damn chair.
Tess Carlisle: Hmm. Very good, Douglas. You're going to be all right.
Frederick: Just back to pick up your accoutrements?
Doug Chesnic: Speak English Fred.
Frederick: Just back to pick up your shit?
Doug Chesnic: Where is she Earl?
Earl Fowler: Speak to my lawyer Agent... Agent Dougie.
Lee Danielson: [about Tess refusing Secret Service protection] She kicked us out of the house.
Tess Carlisle: The President is coming to Somersville. Will you have the cars and the machine guns ready in about an hour?

If you find QuotesGram website useful to you, please donate $10 to support the ongoing development work.