The Bandit goes on another cross-country run, transporting an elephant from Florida to Texas. And, once again, Sheriff Buford T. Justice is on his tail.

Junior: Daddy, look at that big ugly alligator
Buford T. Justice: That reminds me; I gotta call yo' mama tonight.
Junior: You know, Daddy, I like this place. All the 'gators and snakes and stuff. Why don't we move down here?
Buford T. Justice: Why don't YOU move down here?
Junior: Oh no, Daddy, I ain't NEVER leavin' home, that's a promise.
Buford T. Justice: Don't you ever, EVER threaten yo' daddy like that again!
Buford T. Justice: Junior! Why didn't you have your gun loaded?
Junior: When I put bullets in it, Daddy, it gets too heavy.
Buford T. Justice: [Leaning against his car with his gun pointed at Bandit] Well as you can see Bandit, I've got my piece in my hand.
'Bandit': You've got your WHAT in your hand?
Junior: You know, Daddy, I don't think the Bandit's really bad. I think the trouble is he just got in with real bad company.
Buford T. Justice: Bad company? Let me tell ya somethin', Junior. When you raid a cathouse, you take the piano player too.
'Bandit': Hi, Buford!
Buford T. Justice: Hello, you handsome sombitch!
[Justice has just caused a rollercoaster to collapse]
Fairground Owner: Sir! I'm the owner of this, of, of... of this mess.
Buford T. Justice: What are you tryin' to tell me? I'm in hot pursuit.
Fairground Owner: I would like to say just... one thing... We're closed!
Buford T. Justice: Get in the car, Junior. We're surrounded by a mental case.
'Bandit': [finding out Charlotte's pregnant] Who did it?
Cledus Snow: Don't look at me.
Doc: Probably another elephant.
'Bandit': I know that, when did it happen?
Doc: Long time ago.
[the gang learns that Charlotte the elephant is pregnant]
Cledus Snow: Well, I suppose we'd better keep our eyes open.
Doc: For what?
Cledus Snow: [laughing] For the biggest goldang stork you ever seen!
Cledus Snow: [twenty 18-wheelers are on a crash course with about fifty police cars] Welcome to the biggest game of chicken, boys!
Junior: Daddy, I got to pee-pee.
Buford T. Justice: Swallow it. I'm busy!
Buford T. Justice: Ya know if Junior is able to get up in the morning, tie his shoelaces and take a pee, I'm not proud. I'm amazed.
Carrie: Cledus has a heart, he cares about something other than himself.
Cledus Snow: [Bandit is being chased by a lot of police and Cledus is heading straight for them in his truck] Tell me, how many trucks do you see?
'Bandit': I see one, unless I've been drinking.
Cledus Snow: [yells in the CB] Okay, boys... do it, to it!
Cledus Snow: [19 trucks emerge from behind Snowman's truck] Well, I must be commode-hangin' drunk, coz I see about twenty trucks. Ha ha!
[last lines]
Buford T. Justice: [still pursuing, in a Bus] You're not getting away from me Bandit! I'll chase you in hot-pursuit to the ends of the earth! You Sumbitch!
Buford T. Justice: Let me tell ya somethin', Junior. If you ever embarrass me like that again, I'm gonna get an ax, and you're never gonna have to open your fly again.
Doc: Sure, take her in the truck, make the baby go bada-bing, bada-boom, but I'll tell you this, I'm not going to be responsible.
[walks off muttering Italian]
Cledus Snow: [to the Bandit] Don't you understand English? He says you can't be shaking Charlotte around in that truck, she's gonna have a baby!
'Bandit': We're talking about $400,000, do you understand that? This is our last chance! $400,000!
Cledus Snow: I understand $400,000 and I would like to get my share of $400,000, but I ain't gonna kill an elephant to get it.
Cledus Snow: [punches Bandit and knocks him down] Doc, I thought I loved him too much to do that to him.
'Bandit': Obviously not.
'Bandit': [trying to get back on the road after Charlotte gives birth] She's as strong as an ox.
Doc: She IS strong as an ox, NOW she has to get strong as an elephant.
[the doctor is giving Charlotte a throat exam]
Doc: Open wide. Say "ah".
[Charlotte swallows his flashlight]
Doc: Oh boy. What? My ring! I need a tongue depressor about this big!
[Holds his index fingers a foot apart]
'Bandit': Excuse me sir, but your ass is on fire. I bet you can't wait to get back home to Canada and stick it in the snow.
[Cledus is standing over the Bandit, who's on the floor, drunk]
'Bandit': Cledus, you've gotten taller.
Cledus Snow: Yes, and you've gotten drunker. This place looks like a shithouse!
[Bandit points to the bathroom]
'Bandit': You want a shithouse? It's in there.
Cledus Snow: [to a female fan] You don't need a picture of me. I'll come home and sit on your dresser.
Buford T. Justice: Well, I've said it before and I'm going to say it again... There ain't no way, no way, that you could come from my loins.
Carrie: [Gets angry at Bo and storms out of club ,he follows] That is it for you! You have had it! You're hooked! You're a fame junkie! They should give you intravenous feedings of People magazine and National Enquirer headlines!... And if you're a real good boy,they'll give you a Tonight Show enema!
'Bandit': [Confused by her attitude] What is the matter?
Carrie: [Ignores him and concludes before leaving] ... and if you weren't so dumb,they'd put you on Cross-Wits!
Carrie: Let's face it, Sinatra sang "My Way" and you sang "Let's Do Something Cheap and Superficial".
Doc: Are you a doctor?
Doc: Not yet but I'm working on it, I got my green card, my license pendin.
Buford T. Justice: I got 'em boxed in like a turtle's pecker.
'Bandit': I'm the only guy in the world who could drink up a Trans-Am.
Carrie: Can you imagine Roy Rogers selling Trigger for a 6-pack?
'Bandit': No.
Buford T. Justice: Now I'm gonna go home and kick yo' momma in the butt.
Buford T. Justice: [Sheriff Justice's car got hit by Cledus' truck] Are you alright, Junior?
Junior: Yeah.
Buford T. Justice: You would be, you shit!
'Bandit': You know I could take you head off.
Cledus Snow: And you know that's just what you' gonna have to do.
'Bandit': What is WRONG with you idiots? You act like she's human!
[sees tears running down Charlotte's face, Doc starts crying, Cledus tears up]
'Bandit': I'm sorry, Charlotte.
'Bandit': I didn't take Charlotte to Texas.
Carrie: You didn't?
'Bandit': No.
Carrie: What about Big Enos?
'Bandit': Let him get his own elephant.
Carrie: What about the money?
'Bandit': I blew it. But we can still make it.
Carrie: Have you got more than a dollar?
'Bandit': Yeah.
Carrie: In cash?
'Bandit': Yeah.
Carrie: Then that's good enough.
Doc: When you give birth to a 200 pound elephant, you no wanna go for a ride, you wanna go WHOOP!
Gas Station Attendant: If I was making a list of the Great Assholes of the Twentieth Century, you'd be in the Top 5.
Doc: [about his patient] Swamp fever.
[everybody steps back]
Doc: Don't worry, it's no catching, in Italy we no have.

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