The Bandit goes on another cross-country run, transporting an elephant from Florida to Texas. And, once again, Sheriff Buford T. Justice is on his tail.

Junior: Daddy, look at that big ugly alligator
Buford T. Justice: That reminds me; I gotta call yo' mama tonight.
Buford T. Justice: Junior! Why didn't you have your gun loaded?
Junior: When I put bullets in it, Daddy, it gets too heavy.
Buford T. Justice: [Leaning against his car with his gun pointed at Bandit] Well as you can see Bandit, I've got my piece in my hand.
'Bandit': You've got your WHAT in your hand?
Junior: You know, Daddy, I like this place. All the 'gators and snakes and stuff. Why don't we move down here?
Buford T. Justice: Why don't YOU move down here?
Junior: Oh no, Daddy, I ain't NEVER leavin' home, that's a promise.
Buford T. Justice: Don't you ever, EVER threaten yo' daddy like that again!
Cledus Snow: [twenty 18-wheelers are on a crash course with about fifty police cars] Welcome to the biggest game of chicken, boys!
Junior: Daddy, I got to pee-pee.
Buford T. Justice: Swallow it. I'm busy!
Buford T. Justice: Ya know if Junior is able to get up in the morning, tie his shoelaces and take a pee, I'm not proud. I'm amazed.
Carrie: Cledus has a heart, he cares about something other than himself.
[last lines]
Buford T. Justice: [still pursuing, in a Bus] You're not getting away from me Bandit! I'll chase you in hot-pursuit to the ends of the earth! You Sumbitch!
Buford T. Justice: Let me tell ya somethin', Junior. If you ever embarrass me like that again, I'm gonna get an ax, and you're never gonna have to open your fly again.
[the gang learns that Charlotte the elephant is pregnant]
Cledus Snow: Well, I suppose we'd better keep our eyes open.
Doc: For what?
Cledus Snow: [laughing] For the biggest goldang stork you ever seen!
Doc: Sure, take her in the truck, make the baby go bada-bing, bada-boom, but I'll tell you this, I'm not going to be responsible.
[walks off muttering Italian]
Cledus Snow: [to the Bandit] Don't you understand English? He says you can't be shaking Charlotte around in that truck, she's gonna have a baby!
'Bandit': We're talking about $400,000, do you understand that? This is our last chance! $400,000!
Cledus Snow: I understand $400,000 and I would like to get my share of $400,000, but I ain't gonna kill an elephant to get it.
Cledus Snow: [punches Bandit and knocks him down] Doc, I thought I loved him too much to do that to him.
'Bandit': Obviously not.
Cledus Snow: [Bandit is being chased by a lot of police and Cledus is heading straight for them in his truck] Tell me, how many trucks do you see?
'Bandit': I see one, unless I've been drinking.
Cledus Snow: [yells in the CB] Okay, boys... do it, to it!
Cledus Snow: [19 trucks emerge from behind Snowman's truck] Well, I must be commode-hangin' drunk, coz I see about twenty trucks. Ha ha!
Junior: You know, Daddy, I don't think the Bandit's really bad. I think the trouble is he just got in with real bad company.
Buford T. Justice: Bad company? Let me tell ya somethin', Junior. When you raid a cathouse, you take the piano player too.
'Bandit': Hi, Buford!
Buford T. Justice: Hello, you handsome sombitch!
[Justice has just caused a rollercoaster to collapse]
Fairground Owner: Sir! I'm the owner of this, of, of... of this mess.
Buford T. Justice: What are you tryin' to tell me? I'm in hot pursuit.
Fairground Owner: I would like to say just... one thing... We're closed!
Buford T. Justice: Get in the car, Junior. We're surrounded by a mental case.
'Bandit': [finding out Charlotte's pregnant] Who did it?
Cledus Snow: Don't look at me.
Doc: Probably another elephant.
'Bandit': I know that, when did it happen?
Doc: Long time ago.
Carrie: [Gets angry at Bo and storms out of club ,he follows] That is it for you! You have had it! You're hooked! You're a fame junkie! They should give you intravenous feedings of People magazine and National Enquirer headlines!... And if you're a real good boy,they'll give you a Tonight Show enema!
'Bandit': [Confused by her attitude] What is the matter?
Carrie: [Ignores him and concludes before leaving] ... and if you weren't so dumb,they'd put you on Cross-Wits!
[Cledus is standing over the Bandit, who's on the floor, drunk]
'Bandit': Cledus, you've gotten taller.
Cledus Snow: Yes, and you've gotten drunker. This place looks like a shithouse!
[Bandit points to the bathroom]
'Bandit': You want a shithouse? It's in there.
Doc: Are you a doctor?
Doc: Not yet but I'm working on it, I got my green card, my license pendin.
'Bandit': I'm the only guy in the world who could drink up a Trans-Am.
Carrie: Can you imagine Roy Rogers selling Trigger for a 6-pack?
'Bandit': No.
Buford T. Justice: Now I'm gonna go home and kick yo' momma in the butt.
Carrie: Let's face it, Sinatra sang "My Way" and you sang "Let's Do Something Cheap and Superficial".
Buford T. Justice: [Sheriff Justice's car got hit by Cledus' truck] Are you alright, Junior?
Junior: Yeah.
Buford T. Justice: You would be, you shit!
'Bandit': You know I could take you head off.
Cledus Snow: And you know that's just what you' gonna have to do.
'Bandit': What is WRONG with you idiots? You act like she's human!
[sees tears running down Charlotte's face, Doc starts crying, Cledus tears up]
'Bandit': I'm sorry, Charlotte.
'Bandit': I didn't take Charlotte to Texas.
Carrie: You didn't?
'Bandit': No.
Carrie: What about Big Enos?
'Bandit': Let him get his own elephant.
Carrie: What about the money?
'Bandit': I blew it. But we can still make it.
Carrie: Have you got more than a dollar?
'Bandit': Yeah.
Carrie: In cash?
'Bandit': Yeah.
Carrie: Then that's good enough.
Doc: When you give birth to a 200 pound elephant, you no wanna go for a ride, you wanna go WHOOP!
Doc: [about his patient] Swamp fever.
[everybody steps back]
Doc: Don't worry, it's no catching, in Italy we no have.
Gas Station Attendant: If I was making a list of the Great Assholes of the Twentieth Century, you'd be in the Top 5.
Buford T. Justice: I got 'em boxed in like a turtle's pecker.
'Bandit': [trying to get back on the road after Charlotte gives birth] She's as strong as an ox.
Doc: She IS strong as an ox, NOW she has to get strong as an elephant.
[the doctor is giving Charlotte a throat exam]
Doc: Open wide. Say "ah".
[Charlotte swallows his flashlight]
Doc: Oh boy. What? My ring! I need a tongue depressor about this big!
[Holds his index fingers a foot apart]
'Bandit': Excuse me sir, but your ass is on fire. I bet you can't wait to get back home to Canada and stick it in the snow.
Cledus Snow: [to a female fan] You don't need a picture of me. I'll come home and sit on your dresser.
Buford T. Justice: Well, I've said it before and I'm going to say it again... There ain't no way, no way, that you could come from my loins.

If you find QuotesGram website useful to you, please donate $10 to support the ongoing development work.