A group of friends, just out of college, struggle with adulthood.

Billy: Jules, y'know, honey... this isn't real. You know what it is? It's St. Elmo's Fire. Electric flashes of light that appear in dark skies out of nowhere. Sailors would guide entire journeys by it, but the joke was on them... there was no fire. There wasn't even a St. Elmo. They made it up. They made it up because they thought they needed it to keep them going when times got tough, just like you're making up all of this. We're all going through this. It's our time at the edge.
Kirby: It's true love, my friend.
Kevin: Love, love, you know what love is? Love is an illusion created by lawyer types like yourself to perpetuate another illusion called marriage to create the reality of divorce and then the illusionary need for divorce lawyers.
Jules: You break my heart. Then again, you break everyone's heart.
Kirby: I always thought we'd be friends forever.
Kevin: Yeah, well forever got a lot shorter all of a sudden.
Dale: Kirby! How are you?
Kirby: I'm obsessed thank you very much.
Kevin: Marriage is a concept invented by people who were lucky to make it to 20 without being eaten by dinosaurs. Marriage is obsolete.
Alec: Dinosaurs are obsolete. Marriage is still around.
Kirby: She is the only evidence of God I have seen with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.
Billy: The wet look is in, asshole.
Alec: That's Mr. Asshole to you.
Billy: I should have had a vasectomy at birth! Let me tell you something Al, you ever have boys, do them a favor and get them neutered straight away. If they ever knock up some little slut, they're the ones who're fucked!
[to his wife]
Billy: Fucked for life! I hate you, you little bitch!
Alec: You cannot have the Pretenders' first album! That's mine.
Leslie: I bought it.
Alec: You did not! You can have all the Billy Joels... except The Stranger.
Leslie: I'm taking Thriller and Mahler's ninth.
Alec: Kevin is so fond of Mahler.
Leslie: I moved in with Jules.
Alec: Oh how nice, roomies again... No Springsteen is leaving this house! You can have all the Carly Simons.
Leslie: You got me those for Valentine's Day. Remember, they're used to be Valentine's Day here, Remember?
Alec: You ran out on this relationship. You take the consequences.
Leslie: I didn't run out on anything. You ran out.
Alec: You fucked Kevin.
Leslie: You fucked many!
Alec: Nameless, faceless many!
Leslie: I feel much better now, thanks.
Alec: You're not taking The Police.
Leslie: Anyway, I didn't just fuck Kevin! I was confused and angry, and I care about him deeply.
Alec: Get your clothes, give me the keys and get out! Now!
Leslie: I can't believe this is happening to us.
Alec: Wasted love!
[Throws football, across the room]
Alec: God, I just wish I could get it back!
Kirby: [Handing a blowtorch to Alec after Alec has dangled Kevin off the fire escape] Here you go!
Kevin: Do NOT give that man a blow torch!
Wendy: Yea... ya wanna know what's great? Last night I woke up in the middle of the night to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich... and ya know, it was my kitchen, it was my refrigerator, it was my apartment... and it was the BEST peanut butter and jelly sandwich that I have had in my entire life
Kirby: I understand the fold, but what's fluff?
Kevin: Fluff's what I write for the paper.
Jules: Don't you enjoy anything anymore... like girls?
Kevin: I enjoy being afraid of Russia. It's a harmless fear, but it makes America feel better, Russia gets an inflated sense of national worth from our paranoia. How's that?
Myra: Where did you two meet?
Billy: [whisperd] PRISON!
Kirby: There are several quintessential moments in a man's life: losing his virginity, getting married, becoming a father, and having the right girl smile at you.
Kevin: Well, you're all I think about.
Leslie: Me?
Kevin: And I think the reason I'm not interested in other women, and why I haven't had sex in so long, is because I'm desperately, completely in love with you.
Kirby: You are just pissed off and bitter because you have not had sex in... how long? What is it... a year... maybe two? Refresh my memory please, Kevin. Haven't you heard of the sexual revolution?
Kevin: Who won, huh? Nobody. Used to be sex was the only free thing, No longer. Alimony... palimony... it's all financial. Love is an illusion.
Kirby: It's the only illusion that counts, my friend.
Kevin: Says who?
Kirby: Anyone who's been in love.
Kevin: Love sucks.
Kirby: So does your attitude.
Leslie: How's Howie?
Wendy: Oh well, I wouldn't say my father's trying to bribe me, but he did offer me a Chrysler Lebaron convertible if I get engaged to Howie.
Jules: Have you fucked him yet?
Wendy: Jules!... God.
Jules: Listen... get the car, fuck him, and if you don't like him, break the engagement... And then you can still fuck him.
Leslie: I'm sorry, to bother you, here.
Alec: Did you forget, one of your albums?
Leslie: [Didn't answer, Alec's question] It's Jules. After she left, for work this morning, some finance company came. They took away her furniture, her Jeep, everything. I tried to reach her but, I couldn't get through so, I went into her office. She's been pretending, to go to work every day, telling me she still, has an affair with her boss. Alec, he fired her three weeks ago. So, I confronted her, at first she denied everything and, she went crazy. She locked me out of the apartment, and she won't let me back in. Alec please, I need your help.
Kevin: How come you never ask me if I want a date?
Naomi: I thought you were gay!
Kirby: Why do they put ice in the urinals?
Kevin: It tastes better
Kirby: Bah Dum bum ching.
Alec: You ran out on this relationship, you take the consequences.
Leslie: I didn't run out on anything. You ran out.
Alec: You fucked Kevin.
Leslie: [shouting] You fucked many!
Alec: Nameless, faceless many.
Leslie: I feel much better now. Thanks.
Kevin: You know there are more people in law school right now than there are lawyers on the entire planet? Think about that.
Jules: I thought you were taking steps to phase out everything that wasn't working in your life.
Wendy: That doesn't leave much.
Billy: It ain't a party till something gets broken.
Wendy: We're really worried about this affair with your boss.
Jules: I don't know why you're both so worried... So, I bop him for a couple of years, get his job when he gets his hands caught in the vault, do a black mink ad, retire in utter disgrace, then write a best seller and be a fabulous host on my own talk show...
Kevin: Never trust a woman who says she isn't angry.
Kirby: Fluff and fold, buddy. Soon as I make it really big, I'm going fluff and fold.
Wendy: No diet works. The only way to lose weight in the thighs is amputation.
Leslie: Alec is becoming a Republican... and he wants to get *married!* Oh, my God!
Jules: I always *knew* he was a Republican!
Leslie: Men... Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.
Alec: You're being arrested for drunk driving.
Billy: Drunk definitely, I don't know if you could call it driving.
Billy: So you lost your job? I've lost twenty of them since graduation. Plus a wife and kid. And, in a new development this morning, a handful of hair in the shower drain.
Kevin: You know Jules, there is the brink of insanity and then there is the abyss, which obviously you have fallen into!

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