Unfounded suspicions lead a married couple to begin divorce proceedings, whereupon they start undermining each other's attempts to find new romance.

Armand Duvalle: I am a great teacher, not a great lover.
Lucy Warriner: That's right, Armand. No one could ever accuse you of being a great lover.
Jerry Warriner: In a half an hour, we'll no longer be Mr. and Mrs. Funny, isn't it.
Lucy Warriner: Yes, it's funny that everything's the way it is on account of the way you feel.
Jerry Warriner: Huh?
Lucy Warriner: Well, I mean, if you didn't feel that way you do, things wouldn't be the way they are, would they? I mean, things could be the same if things were different.
Jerry Warriner: But things are the way you made them.
Lucy Warriner: Oh, no. No, things are the way you think I made them. I didn't make them that way at all. Things are just the same as they always were, only, you're the same as you were, too, so I guess things will never be the same again.
Aunt Patsy: [to Lucy] Mr. Leeson's a neighbor of ours. He lives just across the hall, with his mother. Isn't that what you said, with your mother?
'Dan' Leeson: That's right, with my mother. We're here on a visit. I'm in oil, you know.
Aunt Patsy: Marinated, so to speak.
[after Armand and Jerry run out of the apartment]
Aunt Patsy: They forgot to touch second.
Jerry Warriner: I was just telling a story about when father was at Princeton. You remember?
Lucy Warriner: [Lucy, posing as Jerry's sister Lola] Of course I remember. Pop loved Princeton. He was there nearly twenty years.
'Dan' Leeson: I certainly learned about women from you.
Aunt Patsy: [handing him the letter Lucy intended to break up with him in] Here's your diploma.
'Dan' Leeson: Glad to know you.
Jerry Warriner: Well, how can you be glad to know me? I know how I'd feel if I was sitting with a girl and her husband walked in.
Lucy Warriner: I'll bet you do.
Lucy Warriner: You're all confused, aren't you?
Jerry Warriner: Aren't you?
Lucy Warriner: No.
Jerry Warriner: Well you should be, because you're wrong about things being different because they're not the same. Things are different except in a different way. You're still the same, only I've been a fool... but I'm not now.
Lucy Warriner: Oh.
Jerry Warriner: So long as I'm different don't you thing that... well maybe things could be the same again... only a little different, huh?
Lucy Warriner: We call him Jerry the Nipper
[Lucy is attempting to embarrass Jerry as a habitual drinker in front of his new girlfriend and her upper-class family. Katherine Hepburn refers to Cary Grant with this epithet in 'Bringing Up Baby' whereupon Grant retorts 'Constable she's making all this up out of motion pictures she's seen']
'Dan' Leeson: Are you sure you don't like that fella?
Lucy Warriner: Like him? You saw the way I treated him, didn't you?
'Dan' Leeson: That's what I mean. Back on my ranch, I got a little red rooster and a little brown hen and they fight all the time too, but every once in a while they make up again and they're right friendly.
Lucy Warriner: I've seen your picture in the paper and wondered what you looked like.
Armand Duvalle: Mister Warriner, you are out of your continental mind!
Jerry Warriner: And if you get bored in Oklahoma City, you can always go over to Tulsa for the weekend!
Dixie Belle Lee: [singing in solo nightclub performance] I used to dream about a cottage small, a cottage small by a waterfall, but I wound up with no home at all, my dreams are gone with the wind.
[air jets blow her dress up]
Jerry Warriner: What did you tell him?
Lucy Warriner: I told him the truth, and strange enough, he believed me.
Lucy Warriner: Armand, I'm wondering, could you do me a favor?
Armand Duvalle: Oh, of course.
Lucy Warriner: I've been thinking, I wonder if you could convince him that everything was just as I said it was that night at the inn. You know, the night...
Armand Duvalle: Oh, I'll be glad to, but does, uh, does he carry a gun?
Jerry Warriner: How can you know how it feels to have used up the best years of a woman's life.
[Reading his poem to Lucy]
'Dan' Leeson: For you, my little prairie flower / I'm thinking of you every hour / It would make my life divine / if you would change your name to mine.
Jerry Warriner: [to Barbara Vance on the phone] Naturally she's anxious to meet you, too, but...
Lucy Warriner: Yes, tell her I'd love to meet her. Tell her to wear boxing gloves.
Jerry Warriner: What do we drink to?
Lucy Warriner: Well, let's drink to our future. Here's hoping you and Barbara will be very happy, which I doubt very much.
Jerry Warriner: No, let's drink to your happiness with Buffalo Bill, which doesn't even make sense.
Aunt Patsy: Well... every time I open the door, somebody walks in.
Jerry Warriner: I wish Lucy would go out and get some fun for herself now and again. It would do her good. That's the trouble with most marriages today. People are always imagining things. The road to Reno is paved with suspicions. And the first thing you know, they all end up in a divorce court.
Jerry Warriner: Excuse me, you're sitting on my prospectus.
Aunt Patsy: You know what rebound is? That business of trying to get over one love by bouncing into love with somebody else? It's fine, except the rebound is rarely the real thing. As a matter of fact, it's the bunk. There's the first bounce, then the second bounce, and, well look at me. You wind up like an old tennis ball.
Lucy Warriner: Well, I'm serious about Dan Leeson. I like him. I like him very much. I'm all through with Jerry; he doesn't mean a thing to me. I don't love him, and what's more, I probably never did. I'm sure I never loved him. Now I hate him. And that surprises you, doesn't it? I hate Jerry Warriner and I love Dan Leeson very very much and I hope he's just crazy about me because I think he's the finest man I ever met and I know, my toast is burning.
'Dan' Leeson: Well, I guess a man's best friend is his mother.
Lucy Warriner: I guess it was easier to her to change her name than for her whole family to change theirs.
Jerry Warriner: I'm going out to get some popcorn and pink lemonade. I've just seen a three-ring circus.
Lucy Warriner: The madcap heiress. Isn't that what they call her? Millions of dollars and no sense.
[last lines]
Lucy Warriner: Good night.
Lucy Warriner: I never COULD do that.
Lucy Warriner: You've come back and caught me in the truth, and there's nothing less logical than the truth.
Lucy Warriner: [Lucy, posing as Jerry's louche sister Lola, has crashed a formal social gathering at the home of the Vances, Jerry's fiancé]
Lucy Warriner: Well, I don't want to be rude, but, ah, may I have a drink.
Mrs. Vance: Certainly.
Lucy Warriner: I had three or four before I got here, but they're beginning to wear off, and you know how that is.
Lucy Warriner: I wouldn't go on living with you if you were dipped in platinum. So go on, divorce me. Go on, divorce me! It'll be a pleasure.
Lucy Warriner: I remember the first drink we ever had together. You, in your very best manner, said, "It must be champagne!" And then you offered a toast. Remember?
Jerry Warriner: No, I don't.
Lucy Warriner: Well, being a woman I do. You said... this'll hand you a laugh. You said, "Lend an ear, I implore you, this comes from my heart: I'll always adore you, 'til death do us part." Remember? It was pretty swell... I mean, while it lasted. But all beautiful things must end, so I guess we might as well call it a day.
[first lines]
Jerry Warriner: Come on, Haig, get that sun lamp ready.
Jerry Warriner: Well, have you heard the gag that's going around town lately - "Who was that lady I saw you with?"
Dixie Belle Lee: Oh, you mean, "That's no lady, that's your wife"?
Jerry Warriner: In the spring, a young man's fancy lightly turns to what he's been thinking about all winter.

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