An aging, down-on-his-luck ex-minor leaguer coaches a team of misfits in an ultra-competitive California little league.

[after the Bears lose 18-0]
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Come on, fellas. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Ogilvie: Yeah, it took several hundred years.
[Amanda has been kicked in the chest]
Amanda: I know I don't got a lot up there, but what I got sure don't feel too good.
Kelly: I got a Harley-Davidson. Does that turn you on? Harley-Davidson?
Amanda Whurlitzer: Look, Buttermaker, you're not my father and I'll not move an inch to play baseball for you any more. So why don't you get back into that sardine can of yours and go, go vacuum the bottom of the Pacific Ocean? I've got business to take care of. You're blocking my customers with your car.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Listen, Lupus, you didn't come into this life just to sit around on a dugout bench, did ya? Now get your ass out there and do the best you can.
Tanner Boyle: Jews, spics, niggers, and now a girl?
Amanda Whurlitzer: Grab a bat, punk!
Engelberg: You're not supposed to have open liquor in the car. It's against the law.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: So is murder, Engleberg. Now put that back before you get me in real trouble.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: This quitting thing, it's a hard habit to break once you start.
Tanner Boyle: We lost eighteen to nothin', Buttercrud, and the Athletics are the worst team in the league!
Ahmad Abdul Rahim: *Second* worst...
Tanner Boyle: Sorry, I forgot.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Those boys aren't very rough. You won't get hurt.
Amanda Whurlitzer: That's got nothing to do with it. I'm almost 12 and I'll... I'll be getting a bra soon.
[Buttermaker stares. Amanda looks at her chest]
Amanda Whurlitzer: Well, maybe in a year or so. I can't be playing all dumb baseball.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: [handing out cups and supporters to the boys] There is one thing I forgot to tell you guys. It's a league rule: cups and supporters.
[everyone complains]
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Gotta be worn at all times.
[more complaints]
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Either you wear 'em or you don't wear 'em and you don't play.
Jose Agilar: ¡Yo no me voy a poner esto! ¡Esto duele!
[Throws his back in the box]
Jose Agilar: ["I'm not going to wear this! It hurts!"]
Coach Morris Buttermaker: What? What are you saying?
Ogilvie: I've been brushing up on my Spanish of late, and I think he is saying something about, you know, his being Catholic, and it's a sin.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Oh, for Christ's sake.
[hands it back to Jose]
Coach Morris Buttermaker: [looks at Tanner's black eye] What the hell happened to you, Tanner?
Engelberg: Tanner got into a fight
[because of the first game loss]
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Who with?
Engelberg: The 7th Grade.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: What?
Engelberg: [shouts] The 7th Grade.
Engelberg: [helping Buttermaker clean pools] When we're through, can we go swimming?
Coach Morris Buttermaker: No! Don't jump in Engleberg, you'll flood the valley.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: What if he tries something?
Amanda Whurlitzer: I'll handle it.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Rolling Stones, 11 years old.
Amanda Whurlitzer: I know an 11-year-old girl who is already on the pill.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Don't ever say that word again.
Amanda Whurlitzer: Jesus! Just who in the heck you think you are?
Coach Morris Buttermaker: The goddamned manager, that's who!
Amanda Whurlitzer: Big wow!
Kelly: [entering after everyone refuses to wear cups] If she doesn't wear one neither do I.
Amanda Whurlitzer: What are you doing here?
Kelly: Some asshole changed my mind
Kelly: [after getting cold shoulder from everyone] Hey does anyone mind if I warm up too?
Tanner Boyle: We didn't think you needed anybody but yourself to play catch with!
Kelly: Just cool it, runt.
[they start fighting]
[Ahmad gets hit in a "sensitive area" during a play]
Coach Roy Turner: Cleveland! Stretcher!
Jimmy Feldman: A stretcher for his balls?
Coach Morris Buttermaker: [after team takes vote to quit the league] Do you want to quit, Tanner?
Tanner Boyle: Crud, No! I want to play ball!
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Now get back to the stands before I shave off half your mustache and shove it up your left nostril.
Amanda Whurlitzer: We could use a good outfielder on our team
Kelly: Oh you call what you got a team?
Amanda Whurlitzer: What you got against baseball anyway?
Kelly: Well the baseball you guys play is for faggots and old farts with nothing better to do with themselves.
Amanda Whurlitzer: Well you must like those kind of guys you sure do hang around the field often enough!
Kelly: There's nice ass at the field, that's why I always hang around it.
Tanner Boyle: Hey Yankees... you can take your apology and your trophy and shove 'em straight up your ass!
Joey Turner: But Dad, I wanted to strike him out!
Jimmy Feldman: [team riding in Buttermaker's car to practice] If you were so great, how come you never made it to the major leagues?
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Contract disputes.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: All I know is when we win a game, it's a team win. When we lose a game, it's a team loss.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Well, your mother and I didn't got along too well, Amanda. I liked her very much, though. I still do. As a matter of fact I'm just not the marrying kind. But I guess I handled it badly, huh?
Amanda Whurlitzer: You handled it like shit!
Tanner Boyle: All we got on this team are a buncha Jews, spics, niggers, pansies, and a booger-eatin' moron!
Ogilvie: Tanner, I think you need to be reminded from time to time that you are one of the few people on this team who is not a Jew, spic, nigger, pansy or booger-eating moron. So you'd better cool it or we may be disposed to beat the crap out of you.
Amanda Whurlitzer: Hey, Buttermaker! Maybe next spring you'll teach me how to hit.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: You bet.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Hey, can't you hold off of that until after practice?
Engelberg: There's energy in chocolate. I need energy.
[hitting batting practice]
Coach Morris Buttermaker: [yells to infield] All right, look alive! Let's get one out there!
[to Engleberg]
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Are you ready?
[Buttermaker bunts in front of the plate]
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Engleberg?
Engelberg: [exasperated] What?
Coach Morris Buttermaker: That is a bunt - B-U-N-T. The catcher is supposed to pick up the bunt and throw it to first base.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Well, how was I supposed to know? You made such a big deal yelling out to them.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: [sighs] Diversionary tactic, Engleberg. Now get the ball...
Engelberg: [Takes half-empty pint of whiskey from Buttermaker's glove box and holds it up] You're not supposed to have open liquor in the car. It's against the law.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: So is murder, Engelberg. Now put it back before you get me into real trouble.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Now, guys, somebody's gonna pay for this windshield. And I think, Engelberg, it's gonna be your father.
Engelberg: Bullshit.
Tanner Boyle: Those Yankees are real turds.
P.A. Announcer: [announcing Mets batter] Carl Paranski, Number 6...
Coach Morris Buttermaker: [yelling to Bears fielders] The cool Carl Paranski shift!
Coach Morris Buttermaker: [at batting practice] Hey, Ahmad - even Hank Aaron peels the ol' eyelids before he takes a swing!
Ahmad Abdul Rahim: [comes up to bat and turns to catcher] This is for Allah. And it's goin' way out there, sucka.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: [trying to console Ahmad after his errors in the first loss] There was nothing easy about those fly balls, Ahmad. They were tough chances! The sun was in your eyes!
Ahmad Abdul Rahim: Don't give me none of your honky bullshit, Buttermaker. I know they were easy.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Let's not bring race into this, Ahmad. We got enough problems as it is.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: [leading team chant] A busted bat and a long fly ball...
Bad News Bears: Any day now, Durocher will call!
Cleveland: Goddamn class action suits are gonna be the ruin of this country. It wasn't so bad when the courts made us take girls. At least the ones that came could play, but now this.
Bad News Bears: Around them bases we shall roam!
Toby Whitewood: Do we have to? It's so corny!
Regi Tower: [Buttermaker passes out drunk during practise] Opening day's tomorrow! We don't know what the batting order is. We don't even have our positions set or anything.
Tanner Boyle: All we got is a cruddy alky for a manager!
Coach Morris Buttermaker: First base, second base, third base, home!

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