To payoff his second girlfriend's debt, hitman Melvin Smiley undertakes a kidnapping job with his usual associates. In a world of prospective Jewish in-laws and late movie fees, the hitman ... See full summary¬†¬Ľ

Melvin Smiley: Technically, you can call me a hitman.
Keiko Nishi: Really? A hitman? Does that pay well?
Melvin Smiley: Oh of course. I make a killing.
Keiko Nishi: It says "businesses." That's what it says. You said for me to read the note; not to improve it.
Cisco: Oh! "Improve!" What are you... Meryl-fuckin'-Streep?
Vinnie: Ladies, you're so fine I want to pour milk over you and make you a part of my complete breakfast.
Cisco: I don't want no fuck-ups on this kidnapping, boy.
Gump: Oh, come on, yo. I ain't like that no more, kid. You know I gots my shits - ugh - ugh...
Cisco: Together! "Ya got your shit together," ya non-word-rememberin' motherfucker!
Keiko Nishi: You really can't blame Chantel and Pam for taking advantage of you. You make it WAY too easy for them
Melvin Smiley: Well, I'm not BLAMing them; I mean at least I'm not trying to. At the end of the day all I want them to do is be happy... Ya know, I just can't stand the idea of them not liking me any more. To be perfectly honest, I can't stand the idea of anybody not liking me
Keiko Nishi: It sounds pretty dysfunctional
Melvin Smiley: Why do you say that? What do you mean?
Keiko Nishi: I mean, you might suffer from a borderline personality disorder. And you have co-dependency issues too
Melvin Smiley: Wha?
Keiko Nishi: [exasperated sigh] You're "whipped"
Melvin: Understand this, okay? I absolutely, positively cannot be the only person falling head over heels in love in this relationship. It's got to be mutual.
Melvin Smiley: [to Video Store Kid] You know, I've taken a lot of shit from you. I put up with your high prices, your lousy selection, and your rude phone calls. I just wanna tell you one thing... I will never, ever rent tapes from this store again your snotty little...
Cisco: [kicks open doors] I come back to finish what I started motherfucker!
[whips out knives]
Cisco: Knuckle up, bitch!
Melvin Smiley: Yeah, lets go motherfucker! Lets work.
Cisco: [In the car driving to kidnap China] Hey,Yo Gump, I don't want no fuck-ups on this kidnapping boy.
Gump: C'mon Yo, I ain't like that no more kid. You know I gots my shit... uh, uhm,
[stammers]
Gump: ...
Cisco: Together! You gots your shit Together, you non-word remembering mutha fucka.
Crunch: I said LAN-O-LIN, not that aloe-vera bullshit! Get it right, mutha fucka!
Cisco: C'mon, Mel. You know I love you, baby!
Cisco: She ain't no bitch, huh? Oh, I see - you "like" this girl? Shit, man, come on! She tricked you: just another ho manipulating your sorry ass to get what she wants.
Melvin Smiley: You don't know what the fuck you're talkin' about, man. That's not true.
Cisco: You never learn! Haven't I taught you nothin'? She don't like you! Hell, man, I don't fucking like you!
Cisco: Why don't you just dump the bitch?
Melvin: The truth?
Cisco: Yeah, I want the truth.
Crunch: You can't handle the truth!
Cisco: (to Crunch) Shut the fuck up!
Melvin: The truth is, I can't handle the idea of her not liking me. I can't handle the idea of ANYBODY not liking me.
Cisco: Hey Melvin, the hundred or so people you've killed in the last five years, more than likely have families that don't think too highly of you. (Laughs)
Cisco: Well ain't that a bitch... All I wanted to do was to sail my boat, man, you know? Navigate by the stars, see dolphins race alongside, you know, maybe even kill a few of them.
Melvin: I can't stand the thought of anyone not liking me, okay! There, I said it! The thought of either one of them
[his fiancee' and his girlfriend]
Melvin: not liking me is more than I can stand, okay!

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